Sunday, October 30, 2005

Tough Days

The last seven days have been really tough. I have not only been on the road for most of them, had a blow out on I-85 at 70+mph and nearly crashed my car, I have been through one of the toughest transitions of my life. Life is about transitions. Scripture is about transitions. The world does not remain static.

Somebody I once knew was fond of saying, "Today ain't like yesterday, but you get to determine your tomorrow." Refining tomorrow is what the Christian journey is all about when you boil it down to brass tacks. Not just the "Sweet by an by" tomorrow, which is important, but the tomorrow of our reality. The tomorrow we have to live into. We serve a "do over" God who allows us to open each day as a day of possibility.

Don't you hate it when somebody tells you your own advice back to you? My friend Pam has told me multiple times in the past few weeks to "speak it into existence." To allow the words of my mouth to take hold in my heart. Not to get discouraged about the multiple strands of my life that seem to be unraveling and pulling me apart. She encouraged me realize, here she goes again, that "God will work it out because we are God's people." Wow, I give good advice, to others! I hate to take my own medicine, but she is right.

I am impatient. It is a character flaw. I look for the shortest line in the grocery (and never seem to get in it), I get antsy when I have to wait too long. I don't like it when my plans go astray. This week when my tire first blew I was upset that I'd be late, then I realized how close I came to really crashing my car. It tipped up enough to feel like it might roll over on I-85 and traffic was horrible. It is a wonder that I did not smash into another vehicle. As I stood there with trucks going by at close to 90 mph it dawned on me that it is God's schedule, not mine. I believe I have a vision for my life, given to me by God, of God's preferred future. Right now it does not seem to be working out. Actually, it seems to be going in reverse, and I hate that! I want to get to where God wants me to go, but I guess I want to get there by my plan. I hate it when my plan doesn't work...but it isn't really my plan is it? Aaargh!

I get to be part of God's plan. I don't get to make God part of my plan. It is God's plan so guess what? It is God's timing. So, on I-85 I began, let me say that again began, to give the plans I had for these multiple strands of my life over to God, for God to handle in God's time. One of the great metaphors for God is a weaver, weaving so many cords together to make a beautiful blanket of life. It is a blanket whose most important threads often come with pain and struggle, the two things our culture wants to avoid, but cannot. So now I wait for God to weave and try give up control. I began to embrace not being in control but letting God be in control. I began to live the life I want to live, no the life God's wants for me, which is:

Lost in Grace,
Marty


Gracious and loving God who is in control, help me be out of control and give you control. Help me give up my tendency to try to control others and control outcomes when all I can control is my willingness to give control to you. Amen
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