Friday, October 21, 2005


Reflections by the Lake

Studies at Serenity




The following blogs are a spiritual enlightenment journal that I wrote will spending time in solitude and silence at my brother’s retreat at Lake Gaston. The post is long because that area is not served by wireless internet so I wrote each post and then cut and pasted into a single blog at the end of the reflection time of the first couple of days...perhaps more will come later.

Wednesday October 19, 2006

What is it about the moon?

What is it about the moon? Lovers kiss by it. Tides roll in by it. Farmers plant and harvest by it. Sailors navigate by it. Most of us just sit and look at it when it is like it is tonight.

Sitting on the shore of Lake Gaston tonight with a nearly full harvest moon hanging above the water like a silver ornament dangling in the sky, I wonder, what is it about the moon? The night is clear with the faintest hint of a breeze. The sky is painted deep blue with the softest whispers of clouds scattered about. It is a sight almost too beautiful not to share. It is a night that begs for a hand to hold as I stare at the moon. But here I sit, just God and I talking about relationships, ritual, reality and grace. Actually, as usual, I’m doing most of the talking.

While the beams of soft light dance across the rippling water I poured my heart out to my Creator. I wonder if He hears, don’t you? Why would the affairs of one so limited concern the One so omnipotent? Yet, here I sit, claiming two thousand plus years of faith teaching as I cry, “Abba!”

Then the “why” questions come…why me? Why now? Why not? Why God? Why? God just listens, as God always does. No easy answers given. No quick formula for success. Just the listening of an omniscient God hearing the struggles of a wayward child. A child clinging to the hope that he is…

Lost in Grace,

Marty


Thursday, October 20, 2005

Do you ever just stop?

Lead me beside the still waters, restore my soul.

Do you ever just stop? Stopping is not my spiritual gift. I am guilty of believing activity breeds accomplishment. I am wrong. Activity really just breeds more activity.

I am soul weary from the pace of my life. There are times when doing good needs to give way to Sabbath rest. Where activity for activity’s sake becomes drudgery rather than ministry.

I guess I see this now because I find myself at a place of forced reflection and self-awareness. Five years ago I would never have stopped for four days to read, write, journal and reflect. I was too busy doing to focus upon being.

I have done nothing today. That is, from a consumerist, capitalistic frame of reference, I have done nothing. I have not produced a single widget to be sold at a profit. I have not manufactured or marketed a single thing. I have not worked my way steadily down an ever growing ‘to do’ list so that I can visibly see what I have done. As a confession, I have been up since 7:30 a.m. It is now 1:45 p.m. and I am still in my Superman pj pants and oversized ‘Big Dog’ t-shirt sitting by the lake. I have just remembered to eat lunch (peanut butter sandwich and milk if you must know). I have done nothing, nothing that shows anyway.

What I have done is more internal than external. I have prayed and written prayers. I have journaled page after page of reflections on life and love, fear and failure, hopes and heartaches, dreams and desires (I love alliteration!). I have come to points of revelation. I have struggled with conviction. I have embraced grace again and for the first time. I have pondered what it is to let go so that I can receive. I have meditated on what it means to be ‘out’ (meaning exhausted or empty) of control and let God be God! I have read and been read by the Gospel writers.

Today I have done nothing, I should do nothing more often…because something is being done in me. Thanks be to God I was lead to stop, so that I could remember what it is like to be:

Lost in Grace,

Marty

No moon tonight. The clouds have rolled in, the wind has picked up and the moon has disappeared behind a bank of dark clouds. No stars tonight. Like the moon their luminescence is shrouded with a blanket of darkness. But the moon is there, even if you don’t see it, and the stars still shine. Knowing they are there does not keep you from missing them when they are not present. I remain, in the dark and…

Lost in Grace,

Marty

Friday, October 21, 2005

Words…

I woke this morning with words on my mind. I love words if they capture the moment. Here is what God is doing in my life:

Reframe; restructure; rework; rehash; reconsider; redo; reinstate; resurface; release; reevaluate; renew; redeem; refocus; reestablish; refresh; reconfigure; reconstruct; reconcile; reform; redevelop; revolution; redesign; redirect; restore;

I told a friend the other day that all of the perimeters of my life are being shifted at the same time. There is not any part of my life left untouched. While I am sure great things will result from these seismic shifts, they are not easy. I am just holding on and waiting for the tremors to stop. I am:

Lost in Grace,

Marty

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